(main text from the piece, perf. in Freiburg, 11/11/2023)
Looking for excuses and reasons to feel like you’ve been productive, when, in reality, you do nothing, nothing happens and you are in a void, you try to talk to people, to cry for help, but you cannot, so you end up putting on a façade, naked and smiling, and pretending loudly that everything is fine, everything is working exactly how you want it to, and that you know, you are safe, you are not afraid or worried, but it is not true, the only thing that has been going well so far is all the lies you’ve been telling, until you burst from all the buildup in your mind, then everyone will see your real face, your scarred forehead from the constant contact with the wall, your red and sleepy eyes that, no matter how hard you squeeze them, push and beg them or how bad, how desperately, how deeply and painfully you need to, they don’t fucking cry, the black circles underneath them, a result of the fatigue of having to survive every day in a world that is, by all metrics, beautiful, but your mind is fucked, your hair and your beard you keep changing, not because you are easily bored, as you pompously explain to anyone that asks, but simply because you cannot bear to look at yourself, you find it painful and torturous, and the time has come now for everyone to see you, hear you, others paying no attention and others thinking that your imagination, vivid as it undeniably is, is once again running riot and you are pretending still, but how would these fools know, since you never talk, you never talk to anyone about what truly concerns you, you are scared and, frankly, I don’t know what you have to do now, you can keep fooling yourself, yes, the only viable option is this, and we can only hope that everything will be all right, that everything will fall into place, that you are once again exaggerating, that everything is all right, everything is all right, please, before we hang up, for the last time tonight, tell me that everything is all right.